You know you're a long way from home when...

- The take-out you ordered is delivered on a cut up piece of old cardboard box.
- There's an open sewer hole in the middle of the playground.
- Vodka costs $1 a liter.
- A phone call home costs over a buck a minute -- IF you can figure out how.
- Tomatoes taste like tomatoes.
- The utensils at the cafe come wrapped in a very small piece of what looks like toilet paper (it's really paper towel).
- Milk comes in a bag.
- Heck, everything comes in a bag.
- You wonder about what kind of animal you're eating.
- There's soccer on TV (yes!).
- Your front door creates a hermetic seal.
- Cows have the right of way on the freeway.
- The French movie on TV is dubbed in Russian, with French subtitles. (Huh?)
- You have a minor panic attack when you realize you almost put your passport in the laundry.